I feel as if my life is on fast forward, time has passed so fast and so many things have changed. Summer finally started after the excruciating winter, that I happen to love so much, but I also love wearing dresses, which is close to impossible during other seasons.
I am currently enjoying my vacation, which is one month long and I absolutely love it, doing nothing I mean. I am known for doing hundred things all at once and being active, this time is different. I'm taking things slow and enjoying myself. Still I can't be in one place for too long, not that I don't want to, but my presence is demanded all over this beautiful country.
Vacation started with Hard Rock Laager, let me just say that amazeballz, I'm blown away by the music, people, everything. It's quite an experience and the harsh looking people are really soft inside, but don't tell anyone, just enjoy their company ;). I must tell you that the music was awesome, the bands I discovered for myself, like Wolf - a glam rock group, or Candlemass, which was probably my favorite from the line-up. Most hardcore was Anaal Nathrakh, warm hearted guys with honest, but twisted minds. What I learned from the festival was that there will always be people to help you to put up your tent if you look hopeless enough. If you are good to people and keep them company, they will later ask you to visit them. Always share your food with people, because you never know when you will need the favor to be returned and it will come back to you, one way or another. Bus drivers are people too, they may offer you shelter from the rain and a pit stop whenever your bladder is exploding :D. Also, people always want to communicate, just meet them half way and you will never feel lonely again among people.
Now let me back up the story to June, because it will explain why I didn't stay at home for more than a day after the festival.
So in the end of May I started using a dating app called Tinder, which a friend of mine told me about. I guess I came to realize that I have nothing to lose and it wouldn't hurt to go on a few dates. I had no idea what I'm getting myself into. I went on several dates, there was this one guy who looked very hardcore, I mean long hair and rock 'n' roll style, but worked as a weaver, the date was quite awkward, because he told me several times that it is not a date and later wanted something more, but I wasn't interested. Another guy was into extreme sports and owned a nice apartment, he also drove me around in his luxurious BMW. There was physical attraction, but not much to talk about. He did teach me how to ride a bicycle and he was strong enough to catch me when I almost fell into a swamp, I owe him that. Shortly after I saw that he started a relationship with a single mother, that reminded me of my ex boyfriend, so I left it there… I also went on a date with a super smart science guy, we had a great time and all, but after the date I haven't heard of him at all, I guess he wasn't all that into me. I had a date at my place with a guy who brought me chocolate and constantly wanted to tickle me, he was hairy like a polar bear and that was a bit disturbing for me. I had a great dinner date with a future engineer, now he was a delight, but since he is too busy to have a relationship, I friend zoned him. I also had a date with a young journalist. He was great, same taste in music, similar interests, everything seemed to be perfect until I got to know him better. He turned out to be deeply scarred by bullies in the past, also a huge drama queen and quite self centered. God knows, I don't need any drama in my life and I got plenty from him. I mean I loved it when he sang to me, because i'm very much into musicians, but all of the stress and his insecurities are not worth it. You must think that I horribly failed at this dating game, but you are mistaken.
There is yet another date I haven't told you about. I was rather attracted to his description of himself, he loves to laugh, what could have been better than to start the conversation with a joke. We didn't do much talking online, I prefer to meet the person in real life, so we did. It was a true marathon date and I wore new shoes, which made me run late for the date, but luckily he didn't mind. The date itself was lovely, he looked sharp, held an intelligent conversation, I felt comfortable, a bit nervous, but still surprisingly confident. We sat in a cafe called Love, which is absolutely my favorite cafe in Tartu, at one point a small girl and a tiny dog joined our conversation, but it all felt so natural and he seemed to be kind and great with kids, even though the girl kept wrecking our couch, but he didn't lose his cool. Time flied by in this infinite forever, but I didn't want the date to end there. Luckily we continued it with some beer and tobacco on a bench by Emajõgi, which later became our special meeting place. When it got a bit chilly outside, I suggested to move the party to my place, I must admit that I was a bit tipsy, which made me bolder than I usually am. So we bought some wine and listened to some music at my place, it was odd, how he knew many songs, that my friends usually don't know or don't listen to, finally I didn't feel like a freak anymore for having such a wide taste in music. At some point he invited me to dance with him, which I found very romantic, so I agreed, even though I'm rusty, haven't danced for ages, but he was smooth. I enjoyed the dance and suddenly he kissed me, I remember it being tender and warm. For a minute I felt dizzy and my knees were weak. I was literally speechless, I have never felt anything like this after a kiss, but there I was, all cradled in love and romance. After that evening I was hooked.
With the arrival of the morning I felt scared, because I had something to lose again. I tried to push him away and rationalize my feelings in the fear of getting hurt again. My wounds are still somewhat fresh, but eventually I figured that I must move on sometime. Later after trying to block him from my mind, which was impossible, because I constantly thought about the mesmerizing kiss, I received a message, it was from him and contained something what seemed to be a fairytale. I carried the leading role in the story he wrote and it was beautiful to see myself through his eyes. I had no idea that all this went through his mind during our fairytale date. I read it several times, shed a tear or two and decided to go for it, another date was determined to happen.
After meeting some of his friends, who accepted me as one of their own right away, I felt as if I was home. A charming man adoring me and a group of kind an interesting people around me. I still hesitated a bit when he asked me if I wanted to be his girlfriend, but after spending some time with him away from the city buzz, I finally said yes in a perfect storm. Things have been getting better ever since. He has been a true gentleman, treating me like a princess. He restored my faith in love and deals well with my craziness, he even loves me for it, so I'm trying to cope with this happiness thing and trying not to screw this up, looking towards the future with hope and hand in hand.
